Numbers

I've been thinking a lot about the numbers that go along with weight loss and health. Calories in, calories burned... the size of our jeans... BMI and fat ratios... and the biggest number of all. The number on the scale. 


About a year ago, my friend Terah started a healthy living group. I joined as my birthday gift to myself: I was turning 30 and I was going to finally get my body into the shape I wanted it to be**. Terah came over and measured my waist, arms, thighs. She weighed me. She used a machine to determine my BMI (body mass index, the amount of fat vs everything else). The plan was to repeat the process every month to check my progress. 


But something weird happened: The first month I lost the most of everyone in our group. (YAY!!) The next month, I gained. Everywhere. I had been eating healthy. I had been working out. And yet I gained in fat, not muscle. I'll never forget what Terah said to me. She put her machine away and told me that she was not going to measure me again. And that I  needed to go home and either have my husband hide our scale or bring it to her house. 


The purpose of the group wasn't just for weight loss. It was for a healthy balance. I hadn't realized how much I relied on my scale. I would step on it first thing in the morning, and that number determined not only how much I weighed, but who I was as a person. If the number was higher... I was fat. A horrible mother, a disgusting wife. A lousy friend. An incompetent sister. I was defeated before the day even began. 


Getting rid of my scale was the most important thing I did in making healthy changes. It freed me. I no longer depend on that number to say what kind of a person I am. Because how can a number ever really define us? That number doesn't reflect tears your best friend cried on your shoulder. It doesn't show the gentle touch you give your kids. It doesn't see you building up your husband after a tough day. It can never determine who you are, how important you are, how beautiful you are. 


I know where my scale is now. I weigh myself about once a month, just to see what's up. But I don't let that number determine my day. 


If you need to drop your scale off at my house for a while, I'll take it for you. If you need to cut out the labels of your jeans, do it. If you need to be free of the numbers, let them go. Health isn't about driving yourself crazy counting calories, weighing, measuring. It's about being able to feel good about the choices you make. You never feel guilty after you eat veggies and run an extra mile. Trust me! 


Be Kind to Yourself. 


**By the way, I've changed my idea of what my body is "supposed" to look like. I've had babies, I'm a big German girl. There is no way I'm going to look like Jessica Alba. But that is a post for another day :)